You may think that if you need information that you need to ask a lot of questions. But that can hinder the thing you want most – to find something out or get to know someone more.
Asking good questions is key, but if you put together a list of questions and go right down the list chances are you’re missing a LOT. Have your list of things you want to know but also be willing to follow the path of the conversation. Don’t be robotic.
If someone says something interesting that leads to more questions, allow that to happen and don’t keep talking or asking questions. Listen more. Listen longer. Let a pause happen, and see what they say next. Ask really simple questions and see where they themselves take the conversation.
Another take on this is to just be more quiet overall.
One of the most telling things in my last marriage was a conversation I overheard just because I was quiet and people didn’t know I was there. My husband was speaking of me with such hatred and disdain I couldn’t even believe it. It didn’t even sound like his voice. It gave me the chills – every hair on my arms stood on end. I was being attacked, unexpectedly and violently, behind my back and I was so glad I found out who he really was.
The next time (within minutes) I saw him he was happy and loving toward me and I was more scared then than ever. How could he possibly speak that way of me and then be loving the next moment. My only conclusion – the love and the actions I thought were love were fake. Fake. So I made my mind up to be more quiet, and I found out a lot more – sad to say. Unfortunately it all ended the marriage. But I am forever grateful to know who he really is and get out before more damage could be done to myself or my kids. I am free from this all now and my life is better than ever.
So, if your spidy senses are going off and you’ve already had some suspicions – just start listening better and being quiet. You will begin to hear a lot more than you have before with this new awareness. It really is that simple.
Yours in Truth,
Rowan