Letting go has to be the hardest thing we learn as humans. But we can’t go on to the next thing, the next unfolding, the next level without letting go of what we want to leave behind.
Another thing that people often say is that you can’t solve a problem from the same place it started. In other words, if you need something to be different than it is now, you have to be willing to make changes – which almost always involves the unknown.
For some reason, victims of narcissistic abuse, cheating, and lying often find it so gut-wrenchingly hard to leave the person who keeps hurting them. This is partially due to cognitive dissonance – basically the gap between who you thought they were and who you are now hoping they still might be is too far from who they have actually shown themselves to be. For instance, being treated well by someone for 3 years only to find out that this person talks behind your back, has been cheating on you, and is a chronic liar. It is immensely hard to bridge that gap – 3 years of supporting evidence and memories and happy times up against finding out, most of the time in a very shocking way, that they are nothing like who you thought. It’s actually traumatizing because you question your entire grip on what’s real and what is not. This is why this kind of abuse is so damaging.
In the face of that you must still let go. Or even more damage may be done. And the new, horrible memories of all the lying and cheating can not rest and leave your mind.
This story was told by one of my favorite pastors. In a nutshell it’s about a family who had a dog that (thought it) loved chocolate. Most people know that chocolate can kill dogs. Well, one day the dog got a hold of a whole chocolate bar and was racing through the house to find a spot where he could safely wolf down this killer chocolate. The family was chasing the dog, trying to get him to drop it. Finally they thought of bribing him with food and treats. The story goes that they had to dump tons of dog food all over the ground around him, and were all coaxing him desperately to let go of the chocolate bar – and go for the food instead but he still didn’t want to. He finally did reluctantly let go of the chocolate bar and eat the food instead – but we can all relate to this. We must let go of what is killing us and pick up the good thing instead.
I urge you all to be courageous for yourselves. If you are being hurt – please leave. I promise it will feel better – maybe not immediately but it will. Set yourself free so you can start the healing process.
The unknown is scary, I know, I have been there. But trust me, the suffering you are in now that you have caught a liar or cheater and are consumed with trying to get through it somehow is worse by far than any loneliness or fear of the unknown. If you can hang on to that thought just for a bit, and rip off that band-aid your life will take a turn for the better and relief will be on the way. Once you realize you don’t have to think about all that anymore and best of all you don’t ever have to worry if it will happen again!! Let that be their next partner’s problem!
You deserve peace and to not have to worry like that. It’s too much. You can put it down now, and take a deep breath.
You deserve to know the truth.
Think your partner may be deceiving you? Check out my surveillance product suggestions, as well as the books below. I have used all of them, and read the books myself. They are extremely helpful and reassuring. You’re not alone. Others have walked this path before you.
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Yours in Truth,
Rowan