Everyone can make a mistake. We all make mistakes every day. We spill someone’s coffee. We trip over our own feet. We misjudge something our kids are trying to tell us. It happens in various ways all the time.
But sometimes one person will make the same mistake over and over again. No matter what the circumstance, they continually make the wrong/bad/destructive/selfish choice. This is different, this is a pattern of behavior and should not be minimized by calling it a “mistake.”
Each choice a person makes leads in to who they are as a person. And sometimes the choices a person makes are no longer isolated and just happening. Sometimes you can see a distinct pattern. And that pattern is an ingrained way of approaching life. It’s much more of who they are. It becomes predictable.
In this instance I want to focus on the negative. It’s so hard for us to see the negative or selfish behaviors of others. We often shy away from it. We want to think the best, we want to be positive. We don’t want to think that the person we love so much is capable of such a pattern – which indicates a much deeper problem or deeper dysfunction. One they are unwilling or unable to stop.
It’s scary! It might mean we don’t want to, or maybe can’t have them in our lives because of this destructive pattern.
So what I want to say today is this: It doesn’t have to take twenty times. Once is a mistake (and this proves that this person is capable of making this “mistake” in a time of temptation or weakness. And twice is a lesson – a lesson to you/us – the person on the receiving end of trying to figure out the other. A lesson that says, “I will keep doing this!” Loud and clear. And we need to hear it.
If someone keeps doing it over and over, shows little to no remorse or effort to change – guess what – they don’t care. They can’t change. And the reason is not your responsibility. Let that go. We can’t change other people. Especially those who are willing to show us over and over again that they will hurt us.
It may seem unimaginable that they could keep doing it. We don’t want to think that people we think love us can hurt us and then hurt us again once they know better. But these people exist and if you happen to find yourself with someone like this, the best thing you can do is get yourself out of this relationship. If they won’t protect you from being hurt (by them by stopping it) then you need to and deserve to protect yourself by leaving them in order to do that.
A pattern is scary because a pattern means loss of hope, and no one wants that. But if that’s what you’re facing, the best thing you can do for your own peace and sanity is realize it, leave, and put your life back together. There are better people out there, I promise you.
Yours in Truth,
Rowan