When you think of love what do you think of?
Walking hand in hand, cuddling and hugs, kisses on your forehead, someone to hold on a cold rainy day, someone who has your back, someone to share life with etc. Right?
Why is it then that so many women, especially young women, find themselves in relationships that look NOTHING like this!? Relationships where the man pays very little attention to them, there is little to no physical intimacy other than sex, who seems to only want to go out with their own friends all the time, and who definitely doesn’t have their back, and may not even be loyal to them. And they seem STUCK in these relationships, miserably unhappy but unable to break free!
From the outside we can see they are really getting nothing out of this relationship and we wonder why on earth they stay.
There is some social conditioning at work here. (Among other dysfunctional abusive relationship things.)
There is a lot of social conditioning that allows men to get away with this type of behavior and also subtly tells women they have to put up with it. “It’s just a guy thing.” NO. No it’s not. I refuse to believe this. Men are not inherently abusive pricks – but there are abusive pricks, and this is where they hide.
Being treated poorly is NOT “just a guy thing.” I promise you, and I’m about to show it to you in a very simple way.
Every man knows how to treat a woman right. That’s right, every man.
And this is the key that is at work. At the beginning of the relationship every woman is treated well. They feel special because the guy is paying attention, he’s taking time away from his friends willingly, happily, he’s physically affectionate in ways other than sexually. Holding hands, kissing your forehead, bringing you little gifts, and treating you well. See!! He knows how.
And then they slack off because #1 – they have you, mission accomplished, #2 It’s a guy thing (insert hurtful or neglectful behavior here.) I was once with someone who talked about be behind my back to his friends in a way you would have thought he HATED me and HATED being in a relationship with me. And when I caught him I was ready to leave because he clearly didn’t love me if he could say those things about me, Right!? Nope, I was told that he did love me, very much, and that it was, “just guy talk.”
EXCUSE ME??? Just because you’re a guy I can count on you talking shit behind my back like that??? No. I don’t buy it. That’s insane thinking. Everyone on the planet knows that if you love someone you don’t talk horribly about them behind their back. Period. (They would never tolerate that from you talking like that about them to your girlfriends!) See. They know.
And the trap that the woman is in is both the social conditioning (being told it’s just a guy thing) and that they fell in love with the person at the beginning of the relationship. That’s who they chose, and that’s who they are pining for and hoping will return. Typically if a man is acting like this he will do the bare minimum to get the woman to stay – it’s enough to remind her of the man she fell in love with and it’s much more the memories and the hope that makes her stay, not his actual current behavior.
This makes it that much more heartbreaking. Because now you can see that he is fully capable of being a great guy, he’s just not treating *you* that way anymore, and his heels are dug in deep to get him to act that way again. Ouch.
This isn’t love. This is a form of emotional abuse. And it is not “just a guy thing” I know plenty of good men who would never do this to the woman they love. And they would never use this “just a guy thing” bullshit to hide behind and keep doing these prickish hurtful things. If you feel like you are in a relationship like this, or you know someone who is please visit this website so you can break free.
Yours in Truth,
Rowan